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PLAYS
Table Manners
A Play in One Act by William Fowkes
Description: The tale of a rude patron at an open air restaurant in Manhattan, who may or may not deserve our sympathy.
Charcters:
MAN: In his ’50s. Loud and obnoxious, but sometimes charming. Wearing a tie and sports jacket, but somewhat unkempt.
WOMAN: In her ’70s or ’80s. Quiet and timid. Almost frightened. Dressed up in a very old-fashioned way—almost a camp statement about how grownups are supposed to dress up. Exaggerated makeup. A sweater and handbag. Perhaps a hat.
CUSTOMER: Male. Easily annoyed. Any age.
WAITER: Male or female. Any age.
Setting: A restaurant opening out onto the sidewalk.
The Time: Evening, June 14.
Synopsis:
A 50-something man and a much older woman dine at an open-air restaurant in Manhattan one early summer evening. The man has clearly been drinking too much and is carrying on without much regard for the people around him, including an annoyed customer at the next table. After a couple of cell phone calls and a comment or two shot in the direction of the customer, he gets up and goes outside for a cigarette, where he shouts alternately outrageous and humorous things out to passersby. His dinner date eventually summons him back inside and then excuses herself to go to the powder room. In a completely-sober speech to the audience, he rationalizes his obnoxious behavior, explaining how his life has spiraled down over the years ever since being fired from his job as a TV game show host years ago. After his friend returns, he argues with the customer at the next table before exiting to the men’s room. The woman takes this opportunity to explain the situation to the audience from her point of view. Does she seem pathetic, she asks? Maybe not if they understood that taking care of this sad man—who can be charming and generous—has given her life new meaning. When the man returns, it’s time to head home. He runs out to hail a cab. She calmly finishes her coffee, stands up to exit, and heads out with all the dignity she can muster after announcing, “I’m sorry we have to leave. My friend’s not feeling very well tonight.”
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